i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
