sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
the raccoons are back...
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