He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
