I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
