So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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