I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm both gender and math confused
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