I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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