I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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