Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
