with your own penis?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
