Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
