is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
