Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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