Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
