He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
