she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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