yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
