The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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