Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Are my feet made of real feet?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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