i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
