Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
