***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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