Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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