Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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