Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
