I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
