The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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