I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
