How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
