We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Randomize
