I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
