apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
