I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
