just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
