I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
