Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
