Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
