Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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