I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
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your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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