i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
