what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
