i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
