apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
