dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
In other news, I just burned my penis
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
