just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We are all done wearing pants today
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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