Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
