hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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