fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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