Porn is love you can see.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
