We're facebook friends in real life
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
