How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I supernannyed him into submission
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