Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
