If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
