sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
