i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
