I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
