I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
