woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
