she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
