You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
