Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
