i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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