The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
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You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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