Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
