sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
