i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
