I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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