Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
