My friends, they love my intelligence
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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