Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
