You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
