There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
